For a quick run down scroll down for FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
👇 Ember First 👇
Cognitive dissonance — the psychological discomfort of acting against your values — triggers the same stress response in the brain as physical pain. Living out of alignment with your values is literally hurting you.
Research shows that most people cannot name their top three core values without pausing to think about it — yet those same values are silently driving nearly every major decision they make.
Companies with clearly defined and authentically lived core values outperform their competitors by up to 400% over ten years according to research by Harvard Business School professors Kotter and Heskett.
Research shows that moral character and core values are more accurate predictors of long term relationship success than compatibility, shared interests, or physical attraction.
Your core values are largely formed by age ten. Not because they cannot change — but because the experiences that shape what we believe matters most happen earlier than most people realize.
Studies in positive psychology found that people who live in alignment with their core values report significantly higher life satisfaction than people with more money, more success, and more external achievement who do not.
👇 Now: Catch Up 👇
:
Before we go any further, if you haven’t read the first six parts of this series, I highly recommend starting there. In Part 1, I share the foundation of the Ember Theory and how it came to be, and in Part 2, we break down what to do when life falls apart. In Part 3, we address why you feel stuck and what that means. On to Part 4, where we talk about how detrimental having an open mind is and was for me on my journey. On Part 5, we are talking about small steps to actually change your life. Part 6: I am telling you just how much kindness kicks ass. Part 7: All about energy. Part 8 is where we’re at and we are talking core values.
👉The Ember Theory Series — Part 1: A New Philosophy for Rebuilding Your Life
👉The Ember Theory Series — Part 2: What to Do When Life Falls Apart
👉The Ember Theory Series — Part 3: Why You Feel Stuck (But You’re Actually Healing)
👉 The Ember Theory Series — Part 4: Growth Mindset (The Power of an Open Mind)
👉 The Ember Theory Series — Part 5: Small Steps to Change Your Life (That Actually Work)
👉 The Ember Theory Series — Part 6: Benefits of Kindness (Why Helping Others Heals You Too)
👉 The Ember Theory Series — Part 7: How to Protect Your Energy (Protecting Your Ember)
“
A Note From Your Favorite Chaotic Creator
c(Okay. I have to tell you something before we start our journey on core values.
You may have noticed that we went straight from Part 7 to Part 9, as if Part 8 never existed. Like, I just casually skipped an entire chapter of a series I built from scratch and asked you to follow me on.
I did.
I absolutely did that.
Here is what happened — and I am telling you this because transparency is one of my core values, which is ironic given that we are literally talking about core values right now, and I lost the entire post about them.
I built the Core Values Generator. You know — that beautiful, magical, interactive tool where the ember decides what you stand for? You can check it out below or in my menu.) I was so proud of it. I was so excited. I told myself the post was done because the tool was done, and somehow, in my ADHD brain, those two things became the same thing, and I moved on with my entire life.
They are not the same thing.
The post was not done.
The post was not even started.
And then — because the universe has a spectacular sense of humor — when I finally realized what I had done and sat down to fix it, I accidentally overwrote the draft completely. Gone. Into the void. With the other things I have lost over the years that I will not list here because this is supposed to be funny and that list is not.
So here we are.
Part 8 is alive and well and finally where it belongs — between Part 7 and Part 9 like it was always supposed to be. Fashionably late. Completely unapologetic about it. Exactly like me at every social event I have ever attended.
The good news is that this is actually the most on-brand thing I have ever done.
A series about rebuilding your life — written by someone who occasionally has to rebuild her blog posts too.
Welcome to Part 8. It was worth the wait.
Probably.
Not sure what you actually stand for? You are not alone — and you are not lost.
The Ember Core Values Generator is a free interactive tool built for people who are rebuilding their lives and need a starting point. Not a quiz. Not a personality test. Just one click — and the ember draws a value that was always yours, complete with a definition written in plain honest language, a reflection question to sit with, and a daily intention to carry into your day.
No signup. No email required. No catch.
Just you, the ember, and the value you needed to see today.
Click below to let the ember guide you.
Discover Where You Are on the Ember Journey
Take Our Free Quiz To Find Out
You are not broken. You are not behind. And you are definitely not finished.
Whether you’re rebuilding after hardship, searching for purpose, feeling stuck, or sensing that you’re meant for more, the Ember Assessment reveals exactly where you are on your journey and what your next step should be.
In just a few minutes, you’ll uncover your current Ember Stage, identify hidden strengths and challenges, and receive personalized guidance to help you move from surviving to thriving.
Welcome to Part 8 Of The Ember Theory Series
Your values survived everything you went through. That makes them the most reliable thing you own.
I just had to dig her out.
You do not create them. You uncover them.
The moment you name what you value — everything that doesn't align with it starts to feel exactly as wrong as it always was."
Quick Answer
What Are Core Values — And Why Do They Change Everything?
When your life is built in alignment with your personal core values, something feels right even when things are hard.
Why Most People Are Living Someone Else's Core Values
This is why people get the new job, the stable home, the cleaner life — and still feel like something essential is missing.
When your daily life reflects your actual personal core values — not aspirational values you think you should have — everything starts to make more sense.
My Core Values Did Not Come From a Workbook
addiction had pushed me into social isolation so complete that when I finally felt genuine human connection again — real, unguarded, no-agenda connection — I understood I had been starving for it my entire life.
I discovered that good health was a core value not from a wellness blog, but from destroying mine so thoroughly that rebuilding it became the most meaningful work of my life.
Your core values are often hiding in your hardest moments.
Not in what you aspired to. In what you could not live without. In what broke you when it was gone.
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How to Actually Identify Your Personal Core Values
Step 1 — Look at Your Anger
Step 2 — Look at Your Peak Moments
Step 3 — Look at Your Non-Negotiables
Step 4 — Look at What You Cannot Tolerate in Others
Ask yourself:
What made me angriest this past year in my personal life or professional life?
What felt genuinely wrong — not just inconvenient?
The answer will point directly at a fundamental belief you hold deeply.
This is the first step. And it costs nothing except honesty.
Ask yourself:
What was present in those moments that is usually absent?
Freedom? Honesty? Creativity? Connection? Meaningful work? Mutual support? Psychological safety? Offering support to someone who needed it?
Those are not coincidences. Those are your essential values showing up in real time.
Ask yourself:
Ask yourself:
Core Values Examples — What a Real List Looks Like
Honesty
Freedom
Peace
Authenticity
Accountability
Connection
Growth
Courage
Service
Resilience
Building a Life Around Your Core Values — The Ember Theory Way
Audit Your Current Life Against Your Values
Where is the misalignment?
More From The Ember Series
Use Your Values to Make Difficult Decisions
Ask:
Not the easiest option. Not what family members expect. Not what looks best on social media. Not what the broader community or professional contexts would reward.
That clarity is what a north star actually provides — not a destination, but a direction. And direction is all you need to take the next right step.
Let Your Values Filter Your Environment
Apply Your Values Across All Areas of Life
The Values Nobody Puts on Their List (But Should)
- Survival. The knowledge that you kept going when you had every reason not to — and that the strong desire to persist is now part of your identity. It’s why this blog still exists. I have worked tirelessly for nearly 3 years with zero earnings or reward, but my values keep me going. This has to survive. I have to help people, earn a living, and take care of my kids.
- Clarity. The value of seeing things as they actually are after years of living in fog, denial, and distortion.
- Peace. The deep, unglamorous, life-changing value of not being in chaos — and the commitment to protect that peace as a guiding force in every daily decision.
- Authenticity. The absolute inability to keep performing a version of yourself that is not real — because you spent too long doing that, and it nearly destroyed you. This is one of my tops, for sure.
- Service. The discovery — often made in the most difficult times — is that offering support to others in a spirit of helpfulness is one of the most powerful forces for healing yourself. This is in my top five.
These are not soft values. They are the hardest-won ones on the list.
And they deserve to be at the top of yours.
What Happens When You Live in Alignment With Your Core Values
It feels like things fitting slightly better. Like friction easing. Like less internal argument between who you are and what you are doing in your daily life.
It feels like the difference between wearing your own clothes and wearing someone else’s.
Stronger relationships — because you stop attracting dynamics that conflict with your personal values. Better decisions — because you have a guiding force that clarifies what actually matters. Greater emotional health and mental health — because cognitive dissonance is exhausting and alignment is deeply restorative.
A life that holds you the way a life built on your true self actually can.
A Note On Mental Health
FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions)
1. What are core values and why do they matter in personal life?
2. What are some examples of personal core values?
A core values list might include honesty, freedom, connection, peace, accountability, growth, resilience, service, courage, and authenticity. The most powerful personal core values are usually discovered through difficult times and peak experiences — not through a list someone hands you.
3. How do I identify my own core values?
Look at what makes you angry, what brings you most alive, what you cannot tolerate in others, and what non-negotiables you have held even in your worst moments. Your actual core values are hiding in those places — not in aspirational values or professional development exercises.
4. What is the difference between core values and goals?
5. How do core values help in difficult decisions?
6. Can core values apply to both personal and professional life?
6. What are aspirational values versus actual core values?
You Are Not Building a New Life. You Are Building a True One.
The Ember Theory asks a different question.
Better by whose definition?
Even when it looks right.
And the life that comes from that conversation?
Not because it is perfect.
Because it is true.
If This Post...
If this post resonated with you or you would like to add or share something, please do so in the comments below. You know I love to hear from you. You could also support my work by liking, sharing, commenting, subscribing, following, and registering to join our free-of-charge, supportive, all-inclusive, judgment-free, meet-you-where-your-at online community where teachers learn. Learners teach all while working together to #provethemallwrong and #showthemwhatwecando.
In our support forums, you can give or receive support all on the same day. This community is for all of us who are more progressors, less perfectors. Addiction is not a prerequisite. All are welcome. This is a new, growing community, so please be patient. If there are any issues, please contact me at [email protected].
Post Off Quote
"You were not born to live someone else's values in someone else's life. You were born to figure out what you stand for — and then have the courage to build everything around it."
– Me
Post Off Affirmation
I do not need to become someone new. I need to become someone true. My core values are not a destination. They are the ground I am already standing on.
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About The Author Samantha Bushika
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