Table of Contents
2
3
For a quick run down scroll down for FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)
👇 Ember First 👇
The "21 days to form a habit" rule is a myth. Research shows it actually takes an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.
Habits are not stored in the thinking part of your brain. They live in the basal ganglia — the same system that controls breathing. That is why bad habits feel automatic. They literally are.
Missing one day of a new habit has almost no impact on long-term success. Missing two days in a row is where habits begin to unravel. Never miss twice.
Your environment shapes your habits more than your willpower does. Studies show that people who change their physical surroundings are significantly more likely to successfully build new behaviors.
Celebrating immediately after completing a habit — even something as small as saying "yes" out loud — measurably accelerates habit formation by triggering a dopamine response in the brain.
Research shows that attaching a new habit to an existing one — known as habit stacking — dramatically increases the likelihood that the new behavior will stick long term.
👇 Now: Catch Up 👇
Before we go any further, if you haven’t read the first seven parts of this series, I highly recommend starting there. In Part 1, I share the foundation of the Ember Theory and how it came to be, and in Part 2, we break down what to do when life falls apart. In Part 3, we address why you feel stuck and what that means. On to Part 4, where we talk about how detrimental having an open mind is, and was, for me on my journey. In Part 5, we discuss small steps to actually change your life. Part 6, I address how helping others helps you. Part 7, I share how to protect your energy and your ember, and that brings us to Part 8, where I share how to build new habits, and the rest you will just have to read to find out. 😁
👉The Ember Theory Series — Part 1: A New Philosophy for Rebuilding Your Life
👉The Ember Theory Series — Part 2: What to Do When Life Falls Apart
👉The Ember Theory Series — Part 3: Why You Feel Stuck (But You’re Actually Healing)
👉 The Ember Theory Series — Part 4: Growth Mindset (The Power of an Open Mind)
👉 The Ember Theory Series — Part 5: Small Steps to Change Your Life (That Actually Work)
👉 The Ember Theory Series — Part 6: Benefits of Kindness (Why Helping Others Heals You Too)
👉 The Ember Theory Series — Part 7: How to Protect Your Energy (Protecting Your Ember)
👉 The Ember Theory Series — Part 8: Core Values (How to Build a Life That Actually Fits You)
Discover Where You Are on the Ember Journey
Take Our Free Quiz To Find Out
You are not broken. You are not behind. And you are definitely not finished.
Whether you’re rebuilding after hardship, searching for purpose, feeling stuck, or sensing that you’re meant for more, the Ember Assessment reveals exactly where you are on your journey and what your next step should be.
In just a few minutes, you’ll uncover your current Ember Stage, identify hidden strengths and challenges, and receive personalized guidance to help you move from surviving to thriving.
Welcome to Part 9 Of The Ember Theory Series
“You don’t need more willpower. You need a better system. Willpower runs out. Systems don’t.
I used to think I was just bad at habits.
Like it was a personality defect. A character flaw baked into my DNA somewhere between “prone to chaos” and “will absolutely eat the junk food at 2am.”
I tried New Year’s resolutions. I tried apps. I tried writing my goals on sticky notes and putting them on the bathroom mirror, like some kind of vision-board fever dream. I tried willpower. I tried guilt. I tried the particular brand of self-loathing that makes you believe that if you just hated yourself enough, you would finally get it together.
None of it worked.
And for a long time I thought that meant something was wrong with me.
It didn’t. It meant I was doing it wrong.
Because building new habits is not a willpower problem; it is not a motivation problem. It is not even a discipline problem.
It is a neuroscience problem. And once you understand how your brain actually works — everything changes.
Quick Answer
The best way to make new habits stick is to start smaller than you think you need to, attach the new behavior to something you already do, and create an immediate reward your brain can actually feel. Willpower is not the strategy. Your brain’s habit formation process is. Work with it — not against it.
Why Your Brain Is Not the Enemy — It's Just Wired Wrong for This
Here is something nobody in the habit stacking and productivity space talks about honestly.
Your brain was not designed for positive habits. It was designed for survival.
The basal ganglia — the ancient part of your brain responsible for human behavior and automatic responses — does not care about your health goals. It does not care about your morning routine, your healthy lifestyle, or the running shoes you bought in January and wore twice.
It cares about efficiency. Pattern. Repetition. Safety.
Every habit loop your brain has ever created — including the bad habits, the unhealthy habits, the unhelpful habits you have been trying to break for years — was created because your brain decided it was the most efficient response to a specific trigger.
The basal ganglia does not label habits as good or bad. It just runs the program.
This is what Charles Duhigg mapped out in The Power of Habit and what James Clear built on in Atomic Habits — the idea that at the core of every habit is a neurological loop: cue, routine, reward. Over and over, enough times, until the behavior becomes second nature.
The good news?
The same process that created your old habits can create your new ones.
You just have to learn how to run the program intentionally.
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Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
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What the Science Actually Says About Habit Formation
Let’s talk about what recent research actually tells us — in plain language, not a Psychology Today think piece. I am going to keep it 100 with you, and this may sound discouraging at this very moment, but please bear with me.
Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon in the 1960s, observed that it took patients at least 21 days to adjust to changes in their appearance. That observation got distorted over time into the myth that habits take 21 days to form. It is everywhere. It is also not true.
A science-based method study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology found that new habits stick anywhere between 18 and 254 days — with an average of 66 days. The first week is the hardest. The first month when most people quit. And the long run is where the magic actually lives.
What makes the difference between quitting and sticking?
Not motivation. Not a mobile app. Not a strategy guide you downloaded at midnight.
Three things:
- How small you start
- How well you attach the new behavior to something that already exists in your daily life
- How quickly your brain receives a signal that the behavior was worth repeating
That’s it. That’s the whole system. We’re keeping it simple around here. We are progressing not perfecting, remember.
The Habit Loop — And Why Yours Keeps Breaking
Charles Duhigg’s research on the habit loop identified three components that drive all human behavior change: the cue, the routine, and the reward.
The cue is the trigger — a time of day, an internal trigger, an internal state, a location, an emotion, a cup of coffee, a lunch break, a feeling of stress.
The routine is the new behavior itself — what you actually do when the cue fires.
The reward is the payoff — the immediate reward your brain receives that tells it this behavior is worth repeating.
Here is where most people go wrong:
They focus entirely on the routine — the habit itself — and ignore the cue and the reward completely.
They decide they want to exercise more. They set an alarm.
They drag themselves out of bed. They do the thing. They feel nothing except exhausted and resentful.
And they wonder why it does not stick.
The routine is the least important part of the loop.
The cue tells your brain when to run the program. The reward tells your brain
whether to run it again.
Get those two right — and the routine follows.
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Why Survivors Have a Unique Advantage Here (That Nobody Talks About)
Here is something I figured out about myself that changed everything.
People who have lived through addiction, trauma, chaos, or long-term survival mode have spent years — sometimes decades — running incredibly powerful habit loops.
Not healthy ones. Not the kind that show up in a strategy guide. But powerful ones. Efficient ones. Loops so deeply grooved into the basal ganglia that they fired automatically without a single conscious thought.
That is actually a skill.
Not the content of the habits — the mechanism of them. The ability to build deeply automatic behavior through repetition under pressure is something many people never develop.
You already know how to build habits. You just built the wrong ones.
The behavior change work is not starting from scratch. It is redirecting a capacity you already have.
I know that reframe sounds almost too clean. But I have lived it.
I went from a habit loop built around using every single day — rituals, routines, automatic responses so ingrained I could run them half asleep — to building a morning routine that has not broken in years.
Same mechanism. Different program.
That is the pivot. Not willpower. Redirection.
How to Actually Build New Habits That Stick — Step by Step
Let’s get into the practical part because inspiration without application is just a nice feeling that fades by Tuesday.
The First Step — Make It Embarrassingly Small
I mean this literally.
Whatever small changes you are planning to make — make them smaller.
Not a 30-minute workout. Put on your running shoes. That is the habit. That is the whole habit for the first week.
Not a complete overhaul of your diet. Drink a glass of water before your cup of coffee every morning. That is it.
Not a full morning routine. Set your alarm five minutes earlier. That is the first step.
James Clear calls these tiny habits. BJ Fogg — Stanford researcher and behavior design pioneer — built his entire framework around them. And the science is unambiguous: starting smaller than feels meaningful produces more long-term success than starting big.
Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything
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Here is why.
When you complete a tiny habit, your brain releases a small hit of dopamine. That dopamine signals: this was worth doing. It creates the beginning of a feedback loop — a neurological whisper that says do this again.
When you attempt a habit that is too big and fail — your brain registers the failure. And failure, repeated enough times, becomes its own habit.
Start so small it feels almost stupid. Then do it every single day.
The Second Step — Stack It on Something You Already Do
Habit stacking is one of the most powerful tools in behavior change — and one of the least complicated.
The idea, popularized by James Clear in Atomic Habits, is simple: attach your new behavior to an existing habit that already happens automatically in your daily routine.
The formula is:
- After I [current habit], I will [new habit].
- After my cup of coffee, I will write one sentence in my journal.
- After I brush my teeth, I will do five minutes of physical activity.
- After I sit down at my desk for my lunch break, I will spend five minutes away from social media.
The existing habit acts as the cue. Your brain already has a groove for it. You are not building a new neural pathway from scratch — you are attaching a branch to one that already exists.
This is the easiest way to make a new habit feel like it belongs in your life.
Because it is literally connected to one that already does.
The Third Step — Create an Immediate Reward
Your prefrontal cortex — the rational, planning part of your brain — understands long-term benefits. It knows that regular exercise will improve your health in six months. It knows that eating healthy snacks instead of junk food will affect how you feel next year.
Your basal ganglia does not care about next year. It cares about right now.
This is why immediate reward is non-negotiable in the habit formation process.
The reward does not have to be big. It does not have to be elaborate. It just has to be immediate — something that happens right after the desired behavior, creating a small hit of positive emotions.
Say “yes” out loud when you complete the habit. Put a checkmark on a physical calendar. Text yourself a win. Let yourself feel proud for a full minute before moving on.
Positive reinforcement is not a soft concept. It is neuroscience.
Your sensory nervous system is constantly scanning for signals about which behaviors are worth repeating. Give it a clear, immediate signal — and the habit loop starts to close.
The Fourth Step — Reduce Friction to Almost Zero
Most new healthy habits fail not because of lack of motivation but because of friction.
The running shoes are in the closet. The healthy snacks are not in the house. The journal is in another room. The mobile app requires a password you cannot remember.
Every extra step between you and your habit is a reason your brain will use to skip it.
Remove the steps.
Sleep in your workout clothes if you have to. Put the glass of water on your nightstand the night before. Keep the journal open on your desk. Pack your grocery store list with healthy choices before you go — not while you are standing in the aisle next to the junk food.
Make the right thing the easy thing—every single time.
And on the flip side — add friction to your bad habits and undesirable habits.
Put your phone in another room during screen time you are trying to reduce. Delete the social media apps you open on autopilot. Move the junk food to the back of the cupboard and put the healthy snacks at eye level.
Your environment is either working for your habits or against them. You get to decide which.
The Fifth Step — Protect the First Week Like It Is Sacred
The first week of any new routine is the most fragile.
Your brain has not yet committed to the new program. The habit loop is not formed. The behavior has not become second nature. You are running on good intentions and a little adrenaline — and both of those run out fast.
Protect the first week aggressively.
Tell no one who will not support you — because unsolicited opinions in the first week can kill momentum before it starts.
Do not miss two days in a row. One missed day is a pause. Two missed days are the beginning of a bad habit of not doing the thing.
Make the habit happen at the same time of day every single day for the first week. Consistency of timing accelerates habit formation because your brain starts to anticipate the cue before it even fires.
The first week is not about results. It is about repetition.
Results come later. Right now, you are just teaching your brain a new program.
The Identity Shift That Makes Everything Easier
Here is the part that nobody puts in their simple steps listicle, and it is the most important part of this entire post.
Habit change is not really about behavior. It is about identity.
James Clear makes this point powerfully in Atomic Habits — that the most effective behavior change starts not with outcomes or processes but with identity. Not “I want to exercise more” but “I am someone who moves my body every day.”
Not “I am trying to quit unhealthy habits” but “I am not the kind of person who does that anymore.”
That shift sounds small. It is enormous.
Because when your daily habits conflict with your identity — your identity wins every time.
But when your daily habits confirm your identity — they become effortless.
Every time you complete your habit — however small — you are casting a vote for a new identity.
You are not just building a new routine. You are building a new self-concept. And that self-concept — repeated through small actions, reinforced through positive reinforcement, compounded over the long term — is what produces real, lasting, unshakeable behavior change.
That is not motivation. That is not discipline.
That is the Ember Theory at work.
More From The Ember Series
Part 9: Your Reading it!
What to Do When You Fall Off (Because You Will)
Real talk.
You are going to miss a day. You are going to have a week where everything falls apart, and your beautiful new routine goes completely out the window.
That is not failure. That is Tuesday.
The difference between people who build lasting habits and people who don’t is that the successful ones never fall off.
It is that they have a plan for getting back on.
Here is yours:
- Never miss twice. One missed day is human. Two missed days is a pattern. Three missed days is the beginning of a bad habit of avoidance. The moment you miss — the very next day, no drama, no self-punishment, no elaborate re-launch — you just do the thing again.
- Lower the bar after a setback. If you missed three days of your morning routine, do not try to make up for it with a two-hour session. Do the smallest possible version of the habit. Reconnect the loop. Then build back from there.
- Adjust without abandoning. Maybe the time of day is wrong. Maybe the habit is still too big. Maybe you need a different cue. Adjust the strategy — do not declare yourself a failure and start over from zero.
Your habits do not need to be perfect. They need to be persistent.
The Habit Stacking Formula — A Quick Reference
Here are examples you can steal and make yours:
1.
After my cup of coffee, I will read one page of something that feeds my mind
2.
After I wake up, I will drink a glass of water before I touch my phone
3.
After I sit down at my desk, I will write my three most important tasks for the day before I check text messages or social media.
4.
After my lunch break, I will take a ten-minute walk — physical activity that does not require changing clothes or a gym membership.
5.
When I feel my stress levels rising, I will take three deep breaths before responding to anything.
6.
After dinner, I will swap screen time for ten minutes of something that improves my mental health.
7.
After I brush my teeth at night, I will write one thing I did today that I am proud of
These are not life overhauls. They are small changes that compound into a completely different life.
FAQ's (Frequently Asked Questions)
K
L
1. How long does it actually take for new habits to stick?
Despite the popular myth attributed to Maxwell Maltz, habits do not form in 21 days. Recent research shows the habit formation process takes anywhere from 18 to 254 days, with an average of 66 days. The first week is the hardest. Consistency matters far more than speed.
K
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2. What is the easiest way to start building new habits?
The easiest way is to make the habit so small it feels almost embarrassing. Tiny habits attached to existing habits through habit stacking have the highest success rate — because they require almost no willpower and they leverage neural pathways your brain already has.
K
L
3.Why do my good intentions never turn into good habits?
Good intentions activate the prefrontal cortex — the planning brain. But habits live in the basal ganglia — the automatic brain. Those are two different systems. Until the new behavior is repeated enough times in the same context with a consistent immediate reward, it will always feel like effort. That friction is not a character flaw. It is just neuroscience.
K
L
4. What is habit stacking?
Habit stacking is the practice of attaching a new behavior to an existing habit that already runs automatically in your daily routine. After I do X, I will do Y. It uses your current habit as the cue for the new one — reducing friction and significantly accelerating the habit-formation process.
K
L
5. How do I break bad habits while building new ones?
You rarely break a bad habit by white-knuckling it into submission. The more effective approach is to identify the cue that triggers the unhealthy habit, keep the immediate reward, and replace the routine with a new behavior that delivers a similar payoff. The habit loop stays intact — only the middle changes.
K
L
6. What role does identity play in building habits?
A pivotal role. James Clear's research shows that behavior change is most durable when it is tied to identity — not outcomes. When you start to see yourself as a kind of person who does the thing, the daily habits that confirm that identity become self-reinforcing. The habit stops feeling like something you are trying to do and starts feeling like something you simply are.
K
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7. What is the difference between atomic habits and tiny habits?
Both Atomic Habits and Tiny Habits are frameworks built on the same core insight — that small steps compound into massive long-term change. James Clear's Atomic Habits focuses on systems and identity. BJ Fogg's Tiny Habits framework focuses on celebration and positive emotions immediately after the behavior—both work. Use what fits your brain.
A Final Note on Building Your New Habits
Your Habits Are Not Your Problem. Your System Is.
I spent years believing I was the problem.
That other people could build good habits and maintain a healthy lifestyle and stick to a daily routine because they were made differently. Better. More disciplined. More worthy of the life they were building. I blamed it on ADHD. I blamed it on executive function issues. It was none of that.
I was wrong.
They just had a better system. Or they stumbled into one accidentally. Or they had the privilege of a stable enough life that behavior change did not require climbing out of a hole first.
We are not behind. We are not broken. We are not the exception to how habit formation works.
We are a human beings with a brains that runs on cues, routines, and rewards — just like every other human being. And the moment we stop fighting that and start working with it, something shifts.
Not overnight. Not dramatically. Not in a way that makes a good Instagram post.
But quietly, steadily, in the accumulation of small actions repeated consistently over the long term, you cannot yet see — a new life starts to take shape.
That is the power of habit. Not the dramatic kind. The quiet, persistent, ember kind.
Trust me I know how much you hate to hear that. We like instant gratification, and we like it a lot, but I promise once you get started it all happens so fast its almost like magic. The best part is that I am here for you every step of the way. Ive gotchu. Just get involved in this community and lets grow together.
Until next time, my lovelies. Take care.
If This Post...
If this post resonated with you or you would like to add or share something, please do so in the comments below. You know I love to hear from you. You could also support my work by liking, sharing, commenting, subscribing, following, and registering to join our free-of-charge, supportive, all-inclusive, judgment-free, meet-you-where-your-at online community where teachers learn. Learners teach all while working together to #provethemallwrong and #showthemwhatwecando.
In our support forums, you can give or receive support all on the same day. This community is for all of us who are more progressors, less perfectors. Addiction is not a prerequisite. All are welcome. This is a new, growing community, so please be patient. If there are any issues, please contact me at support@samanthabushika.com.
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"You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Build a better system — and the better life follows."
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I am not starting over. I am starting with everything I have already learned. And this time, I am building something that lasts because I deerve nothing less.
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About The Author
Samantha Bushika is a Certified Addiction Recovery & Life Coach, Reiki II practitioner, certified crystal and sound healer, certified credit counselor, and the resilient voice behind Progressing Not Perfecting, an alternative holistic wellness & personal transformation platform that helps people rebuild their lives through recovery, personal development, and spirituality by using holistic and nontraditional approaches that support the mind, body, and spirit. After overcoming a nearly 20-year addiction to heroin and an extensive history of incarceration, Sam transformed her own life from the inside out—rising from the lowest low to homeowner, mother, and guide for others walking the path of awakening, recovery, and personal growth. Her writing blends raw honesty with spiritual insight, offering a safe space for healing, transformation, and community. Through her blog, coaching, and digital offerings, she empowers others to rewrite their stories and prove that lasting change is not only possible—it’s powerful. When she’s not creating content or holding space for others, you’ll find her with her two children, deep in crystal study, writing her next book, studying sacred geometry and ancient forbidden mystery schools, or experimenting with the next frequency to elevate the soul.You can contact Sam by our contact form, leaving comments or emailing her at support@samanthabushika.com.
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08/17/2026 07:14 am GMT
Top Chakra Pick
7 Chakra Essential Oil Blend Roll-On Set by Aromafume
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08/17/2026 07:14 am GMT
Workbook: The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self Sabotage into Self Mastery by Brianna Wiest: Official and Authorized
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08/17/2026 07:14 am GMT
Top Recovery Journal
The Addiction Recovery Journal: 366 Days of Transformation, Writing & Reflection
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08/17/2026 07:14 am GMT
Clever Fox Addiction Recovery Journal Addiction Treatment Planner & Workbook Daily Sobriety Journal for Recovery Progress, A5 (Cypress)
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08/17/2026 08:05 am GMT
Top Sound Healing
FMTY Perfect Pitch Crystal Singing Bowl 14 inch Washable Healing Bowl Cushion 52"Meditation Sound Bowl with Singing Bowls Mat for Relaxation, Yoga, Chakra Healing, Stress Relief (C Note, 14 inch)
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08/17/2026 06:07 am GMT
Top Sound Healing
Portable Electronic Tibetan Singing Bowl, 8 Healing Frequencies (396-963Hz), Auto/Manual Mode, Vibration & Timer - USB-C Rechargeable Meditation Device for Yoga, Relaxation, Reiki, Best Gift Choic...
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08/17/2026 04:10 am GMT
Our Top Relaxation Pick
Sensate Relaxation Device - Sound Therapy and Theraputic Vibrations for Immediate Calm and Long Term Stress Resilience
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$349.00
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08/17/2026 08:06 am GMT
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones
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$15.75
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08/17/2026 01:07 pm GMT
One Of Our Top Self-Care Kit Recs
Facial Steamer Spa Kit with Complimentary 17 Skin Care Tools | Face Steamer for Facial Deep Cleaning with Towel Warmer & Humidifier Mode| Self Care Gifts for Women, Spa Gifts, Birthday Gifts for W...
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This is an amazing gift for one of your girls or for yourself. Love love love this!
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08/17/2026 10:05 am GMT
One Of Our Top Gift Recs
Spa Gifts for Women, Lavender 16 Pcs Mothers Day Gifts for Mom Wife Friend Daughter Sister, Self Care Gift Baskets for Women, Thank You, Get Well, Sympathy Inspirational Care Package Spa Basket
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This is honestly one of my go-to's for gifts. I have purchased it for both of my neices, my sister, my friends, my mom and every single one of them raved about it.
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08/17/2026 10:05 am GMT
F.I.O.A. And Find Out
FOIA & Find Out explores the declassified files they never expected ordinary people to read—CIA consciousness experiments, psychological operations, hidden human potential, frequency research, and truths stranger than fiction. But this series isn’t about fear. It’s about taking what we uncover and using it to think deeper, heal harder, awaken fully, and become far more difficult to manipulate.
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